Upset (Silken/Sean)

[s]

Silk hadn't really left her room since the experience in Dream Land. It was as if her heart had broken. In one dream she'd gained and lost so much and even though the whole ordeal was over and she knew it hadn't been real, she just couldn't get over what felt like a few minutes of pure happiness.

Sitting on her bed surrounded by used tissues, she clutched her pillows and cried into it just like she was a little girl. She hadn't cried like this since her dad left...

She knew there was one person she wanted to talk to now, and she worried he wouldn't come even though she'd practically begged him to...

[karen5]

One message, one short message with only maybe half-a-dozen words to its name, was all it had taken to send Sean on his way to Silken's room in the sleeping quarters. He wasn't even entirely sure what she wanted, just that she'd asked him to come and see her.

After the whole incident with the sleeper-pods and R4, he hadn't seen her around the ship much, and at first he'd assumed it was just because he didn't go around engineering quite as often as he use to. But now he was wondering if it was because she hadn't been out and about.

Had she come down with an illness or something? But, no, she would have called a medical officer to the room if that were the case. So it had to be something else. If only he had a clue as to what it might be, so he could prepare himself to face her and whatever her problem might be.

Silken's emotions were strong, hitting him the moment he stepped into the sleeping quarters, and he had no trouble figuring out which room was hers, even if he'd never visited it before. Gently, he knocked on the door. "Silk? Silk, it's me, Sean."

[s]

Getting up, Silken sniffed and wiped at her eyes. She checked herself in the mirror and cringed. She was used to looking flawless and now she looked like a wet dog. Even so she merely wiped at her dripping mascara and hurried to let him in.

She opened the door and just looking at him she could tell he hadn't suffered as she had, probably because it hadn't been real to him. Or maybe it was because he was already over them and she'd realized she wasn't. No sooner had the door open did she throw her arms around his neck.

He'd already know what was wrong. He always knew what was wrong.

[karen5]

The door opened, and Sean only had a moment to take Silken in--red eyes, splotchy make-up, frazzled hair and despairing expression--before she'd thrown herself at him. He couldn't help but let his mental barriers fall around her, and in an instant he understood exactly why she'd been crying the last few days, and exactly why she'd asked him to come.

"Silk..." he shushed after throwing his mind-blocks back up, rubbing her back soothingly. He led her back over to her bed, kindly sitting her down before going to close the door so that she wouldn't have to suffer anyone else seeing her in this state. He then went back to her and seated himself on the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her small frame and holding her to him.

"It's all right, sweetheart. I know it hurts now, but you know you never wanted to be a mother. And you're your own person--you wouldn't be happy as a house-wife, and you know it. There's no need to cry..." But he knew she probably would anyway, and he was going to be there for her in any event. She needed to get it out of her system, and she needed someone to be with her when she did.

[s]

She was right. He did understand. God why had she been so stupid and left him? She merely rested against him and continued to sob for several more moments before his words struck home and she was able to calm down. He was right of course. She wouldn’t really be happy with that life, it just wasn’t who she was. But even so there was some biological makeup inside her that made her long for the children whose faces she never even saw. It was like a ghost limb feeling. They never were, and yet the mother instinct felt like they’d been taken from her.

Being quiet now, she just stayed as she was, silently slipping her arms around him. She appreciated him coming even though she didn’t deserve his attention. Even if he said otherwise she still thought ‘nice guys’ out of her league.

Blinking she finally pulled back and reached for her tissues to dab at her eyes again. “Thank you.” She croaked, looking at him and trying to smile.

[karen5]

Though Sean forced himself not to go rooting through Silk's thoughts, her emotions were still an almost palpable force around him. She seemed to hear and comprehend his words, but there was still a sense of loss and bitterness to her. Slowly, however, she rose up to acceptance, and in the end she was simply grateful.

Despite her hard outer shell, Silken was a very delicate person--gentle and fragile. She liked to think otherwise, even just to herself, but in truth, under it all, she, like everyone else, just wanted to feel loved and accepted. And yet, when he'd tried to give it to her, she'd run away. She wanted it, but she wanted to find it in her own way, in her own time, and he knew that now.

"I'm here for you anytime," Sean assured her, reaching over to wipe a smudge of mascara from her cheek. "No matter what. I promise you that."

[s]

Silken pulls her legs under her so she was kneeling. She watched Sean and her heart broke a little all over again. Why had she been so stupid to walk away from the only person who ever really cared about her? As he reached over to touch her cheek she held still, not even breathing. His touch was warm and gentle.

Her own hand reached up to lightly tough his wrist, her expression changing to an expression she often took when she saw something (or in this case someone) she wanted. Her other hand reached out, landing on his shoulder as she shifted forward, her slender body moving steadily.

"Sean..." She breathed, placing one of her knees between his own knees and kneeling up in front of him so she looked down into his eyes. Suddenly their position changed. He was here, on her bed, and she was trying to seduce him.

Her lips tilted down to his, expecting him to kiss her. He'd rejected her once already, surely he wouldn't reject her now...

[karen5]

Their positions changed in an instant. Where it had been Sean consoling Silk, trying to cheer her back up a soothe her, it was suddenly her, kneeling in front of him and swaying back and forth slightly like a snake-charmer's flute. And he was the snake. Not entirely sure how to be taking this, he simply watched her.

The way her head was tilting to the side, her lips slightly apart, made it clear what she wanted. But Sean wasn't sure if he could give it to her. Silk wasn't like most people--flings were her way of dealing with stress, or making her problems go away. What if that was all this was to her? Who cares?! a voice in the back of his head screamed.

Unable to resist, he leaned in and stole a quick kiss, relishing in the soft feel of her lips against his. He'd almost forgotten how sweet her kisses tasted. But after a brief moment, he pulled away and shook his head at her. "Silk, sweetheart, you know I love you, but..." But what?

[s]

When he kissed her she knew it was all over. She’d get what she wanted and this time she wouldn’t be so stupid to throw it all away. Her feelings for Sean kept growing and growing while the old flame returned. Inwardly she just kept kicking herself for what she’d done. But she’d find a way to make it up to him, on that she was resolved.

Then, the kiss ended far too quickly and she opened her eyes in surprise.

‘Silk, sweetheart, you know I love you, but...’

But what? Why hesitate? She wanted to be with him, he wanted to be with her. Why did it have to be complicated? Her arms slipped around his neck and she settled down onto his lap, her expression looking at him with mild confusion.

She smiled then and leaned in, kissing the side of his lips, her mouth trailing over his cheek, his jaw, down his neck. He couldn’t come up with a reason for them not to be together now, and neither could she. Between her kisses she whispered.

“Read my thoughts Sean. See what I want…”

[karen5]

The determination in Silk both galvanized and worried Sean. She was so sure that this was what she wanted, and that she'd be happy with him, but she'd been thinking similar the first time they'd been together. What made this time so different? Who was to say that she wouldn't leave him again, as she had then?

And yet, the more he stalled, the less he wanted to. It was Silk, the woman he'd loved for nearly three years straight now, and she was telling him very clearly that she wanted him, too. But just wanting him wasn't enough. Did she love him? Her emotions were too wound up for him to be entirely sure what the answer to that might be.

As if she could read his mind, Silk leaned in and delivered a trail of kisses, starting at his mouth and trailing across his jaw and down the line of his neck. For a moment, her ministrations caused him to lose all coherent thought, but her words brought him back to himself.

"Read my thoughts Sean. See what I want..."

"I think I've got a pretty good idea already," he said, his voice sounding rougher than usual even to his own ears. After a pause, he sighed and let the barriers in his mind fall again, readily giving into what Silk wanted--and what he wanted, too. What he thought he'd lost forever.

[s]

Later...

Silken slipped in and out of sleep in her lovers arms. Her heart felt happy and her mind was peaceful. It was the beginning of another relationship, one she was sure she wanted and one that would end perfectly. But then again these were the same thoughts and feelings for every time she began a relationship, the only difference was this was with someone who'd she already had a relationship with in the past.

Normally the type of men Silk ended up with were the heartbreakers, the ones who'd run off on her or cheat or do some other terrible thing, Sean had been the first decent guy and she'd turned out to be the heartbreaker, but she wouldn't do it this time, she was determined.

[karen5]

Despite everything, Sean found that having Silk curled up in his arms again was something he rather enjoyed, and he allowed himself some time to enjoy it. Just a little time, to keep her there, to remember that moment for the rest of his life, before he ripped out his hand once and for all.

Because as certain as she thought she was now, there was always the chance that Silk would leave again, and he didn't want to have to suffer through her departure again. Once had been more than enough, and to think that he'd gotten her back only to find out that this had just been another fling to her would kill him.

Finally, he gently let go of her and moved so that he was in a sitting position, brushing her hair out of her face before sighing and slipping off the bed to collect his things. Fully dressed now, he came back to the bed and met Silk's confused gaze evenly.

"Silken, I'll be around whenever you need me, but this"--he gestured to the bed--"can't happen again. It just... can't. It shouldn't have happened now. But it did, and we're just going to have to put it behind us and move on. All right?"

[s]

She couldn't have looked more betrayed if he'd taken out a knife and stabbed her in the gut. Staring back at him in unbelief, Silken sat up, supporting herself on her hands. It was like she were in shock, unable to understand, and then slowly the anger set in and her eyes narrowed into a glare.

"Oh alright. Well thanks for the help." She said sarcastically, grabbing her own underwear and starting to pull it on. She couldn't believe he'd just said that. Was he seriously going to tell her that what they'd shared didn't mean anything anymore? She wouldn't look at him as she scrambled to dress, hot tears brimming in her eyes.

Inwardly she thought there must be someone else, probably that Lizzy girl from engineering. She'd heard they hung out together a lot.

[karen5]

The anger in Silk's expression took Sean back, and timidly he let his mental walls fall yet again in order to see where the anger was coming from. Apparently, she'd made more out of this than even he had, and the anger and disbelief came from the way she felt he was simply throwing it all back in her face.

He'd been about to put a hand on her shoulder when she slid off the bed and began tugging on her own clothes, making a point of keeping her back to him the entire time. Not sure what exactly she'd been hoping to accomplish by this, considering his ability, Sean listened in on her thoughts for a moment, and he blinked several times at her conclusion.

"There must be someone else, probably that Lizzy girl from engineering."

Shaking his head and sighing a little, Sean grabbed Silken's arm and spun her around to face him. "There's nothing going on between me and Lizzy, Silk. In fact, there's nothing going on between me and anyone. There hasn't been since you left. Can't you understand, I'm doing this for you?"

Heaving another sigh, he ran a hand over his face and tried to think of how to phrase what he wanted--and needed--to say. "I know you. Probably better than you'd like me to. Because of that, I know that nothing would make you run away faster than me asking you to stay. And I don't want you to go, Silk. No one does. The Venia needs you."

[s]

Spinning around, she found herself standing, facing him, angry tears spilling down her cheeks. She was so angry she almost couldn't see straight, angry at Sean but mostly angry at herself because she knew he was right. She was flying by the seat of her pants all over again and it frustrated her mostly because there was nothing she could do about it. She was what she was and would probably never change.

When he spoke about Lizzy she instantly knew what he'd done and for some reason it brought out her nasty temper. Her eyes widened and all but drowned out what he said next. Before even she knew she was going to do it she brought her hand up and slapped him hard across the face. Her inherited rage coming through as she pointed her finger in his face and hissed.

"Stay the FUCK out of my head and get out of my cabin! I never want anything to do with you again Sean Irvine!"

She felt used and manipulated, and even though maybe she deserved it a little she still wasn't going to stand there and let him try to tell her how she should feel or behave.