Mistakes Made

[Alliana Porter]

Ally curled up on her mattress, into the tightest fetal position she could manage. Days had rolled into weeks, months and all she felt was numb. Her heart beat only to survive and nothing more. She had beaten herself up in rage, tears and regret. Why had she walked out on him? There was o much she could have fixed, molded, and repaired. But no, she left; walked out of his life completely. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her and she left. Why had she destroyed her life like this?

There was a roll out the window, soon followed by the pitter patter of raindrops assaulting the window. She grabbed a pillow and edged over closer to watch it. The rain didn’t help her mood any, in fact, she often cried harder when it rained. This apartment wasn’t the greatest, but it certainly wasn’t the worse. She didn’t have much to bring with her anyway. Resting her elbows on the window sill, her head hit the cool glass with a light thump. The city buzzed by as it always did. She didn’t retreat to her home, or his. Rather, she fled to New York City; something, somewhere so incredibly different than what she was.

The tears came soon enough and before long, she was bawling again. It was a miracle her body could even produce this many tears. In Alliana’s life, there was little left to live for. If she returned to Luke, would he even take her back? Forgive her? Yelling at him was one thing, but so was walking out of his life completely. How could she possibly face him now? Ally cried for a solid two hours, then flopped onto her back and stared at the empty ceiling above her. What had she done to her perfect life?

[Luke Martin]

If there was something that the girls hated seeing, it was their brother being upset. And really, upset was an understatement right now. They hadn't known anything was up until Thanksgiving, when Luke had come home again for the holidays, this time, without Ally. They really didn't know how he'd managed to keep it a secret that long, they had underestimated his acting skills. But as soon as he'd stepped through the door, it was clear that something was wrong. Not even Georgie could cheer him up by using her chop sticks as walrus tusks.

Once he had spilled the beans, they had both urged him to find her, talk it out, make up. After all, they were amazing together, and they'd been so, so in love. Why had they both given up so easily? It was clear that both of them were too stubborn to be the first to make up, or they were both living in the ridiculous fear of what the other would say when they came together again. And while their arguments for Luke to go after Ally had fallen flat, there were two sides that they could attack from, and they had yet to try the other side.

Jen and Georgie both stood on the doorstep to the apartment that they believed was Ally's. Georgie was rocking backwards and forwards on her heels nervously, "are you sure this is the place?" Jen nodded to her sister, "well, if it's not, then we travelled all this way for nothing." Georgie pursed her lips together, taking a breath before she rapped her knuckles against the door, "Allyyyy, you in there?" Her voice had deepened a little since the woman had last seen her, "it's me. And if you don't know who that is, then you don't deserve to know me."

[Alliana Porter]

Ally was lost in her pillow, clutching on to it as if it were all she had left in the world. And right now, she felt as if it were true. The rain continued to pour, streaking down the window pane as if mocking her situation. With a heavy sigh, she buried her face into the salty scent of her pillow. She was only falling deeper into her depression and she was starting to believe there was no escape. But then a knock on her door, broke her thoughts.

Jen? Georgie? How on earth did they find her? Georgie's voice seemed significantly different, but she could still tell it was her. With a slow, weak sigh, she turned her head towards the door. Ally didn't want to talk to her, to talk to anyone. She wanted to be depressed in her own solemn loneliness. "Go away." she muttered, turning her attention back. "Just...leave me alone."

[Luke Martin]

Georgie side-glanced her older sister, who rolled her eyes. Jen banged on the door this time. "We just travelled all the way across the country to see you," she said, "we're not leaving until you open the door. We'll stay out here all night if we have to." Georgie looked at Jen, "we will?" Jen shot her a look, which caused Georgie to fumble and say, "yes! All night and all of tomorrow. You'll get no peace until you let us in." She wasn't exactly great at threats, but oh well.

~~~~

Luke opened his eyes. Once again, in was the beginning of a new day, and, once again, he was alone. Blinking slowly, he considered getting up and starting his morning routine, the sooner he started, the sooner the day would be over. But, for some reason, today he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed. Maybe it was the accumulation of crappy day upon crappy day finally getting to him. He was miserable, that wasn't hard to tell. It seemed that no matter how hard he had tried to hide it in the beginning, people had still come up to him asking what was wrong. As if they didn't know.

Not having Ally in his life had taken it's toll, physically and emotionally. He'd lost weight over the past several months through sparsely eating, and for a while, he'd come to his post every morning with dark rings under his eyes, that was until Darcy was kind enough to give him a light sedative, powerful enough to knock him out without dreaming. Every night he'd played that moment over and over again in his head, the look on Ally's face, her harsh words. He'd woken many a time drenched in cold sweat, having lived the nightmare again, but, somehow, so much more vividly in his sleep. Now, he could sleep the whole night through in the blink of an eye. It was much more preferable to the flashbacks.

Pulling the covers up over his face, he wanted the bed to swallow him whole, take him to a faraway land when nothing mattered and he was completely care free. But no such luck. Instead, he heard a knock at the door. Frowning, he tried to ignore it, but they knocked again - quite patiently considering his refusal to open the door. Heaving a sigh, he tossed the covers off and walked over to the door, not particularly caring that he was only wearing pyjama bottoms. The door slid open, and his eyebrows quirked upwards in surprise. "Mom?"

[Alliana Porter]

With a laden sigh, Ally forced herself up from the false comfort of her mattress. She looked a rugged mess, dark circles, cheeks stained with tears; it was no question what she had been up to with all her time alone. Ally hadn't slept, or eaten much. She last a few pounds and she had forgotten how to smile. She wasn't sure how they thought they could change her.

"Fine." she half growled at the door, placing her barefeet upon the bare tile floor. It wasn't the greatest apartment, but she didn't feel like spoiling herself with pleasurable. Things like that would only set her deeper into depression and the realization that she was all alone with no one to share it with.
She shuffled with heavy feet and unlocked the door. She pulled it open and stared at his sisters with intense eyes. "what...just...come in.." She opened the door for them, then slumped back to stare back at the window.

[Luke Martin]

The door finally swung open, and Georgie let a gasp slip as she saw what state Ally was in. Jen sighed internally at her sister, she needed to learn a little more tact. They both looked at Ally, then at each other, then at Ally again before coming in. Jen made sure to close the door behind them and once they were inside, they ambushed her from both sides, pulling her into a group hug. Neither of them was sure what sort of effect it would have, but she looked like she needed one. She looked like she needed hugging for the rest of her life. Maybe they could get that for her, but for now, they would have to do.

After a couple of minutes, they eased away. "Couldn't help it," Georgie said reproachfully, as Jen shrugged her coat off, looking around the apartment. It was small, and not well kept. The woman had been suffering just as much as their brother. "I'd ask how you've been," Jen began, turning back to Ally and Georgie, "but it's pretty self-explanatory in here." "We wanted to see if you were okay," Georgie explained, "Luke's been a wreck, and well, yeah, it's because of you." Nothing like getting straight to the point. "What George meant to say was that he misses you, and we were hoping that if you missed him too, then there might be a solution to all this."

[Alliana Porter]

Ally furrowed her brow and clenched her jaw at their full faces. No one had ever cared that much to go through so much trouble. Her faults had tumbled farther than she seemed to understand. Was this all her fault? Seeing them here, with those..those faces, made her want to burst futher into tears. They were home. they were familiar, they were love. Upon shoving Luke away, she felt as if they faded away too. All she wanted was to go back to the way things were, to go back to that sort of perfection.

The moment that their arms embraced her, she lost it. Jen was now roughly her height and she grabbed her tight around the shoulders. She pulled another arm around Georgie and let the tears roll. The warm embrace made her forget all the pain she had caused and felt. Someone still cared enough about her to travel so far and try to persuade her to attempt to fix the mess she had made. Ally never wanted them to pull away, but they did eventually. She sniffled up a tear and simply stared at them both. What could she even say?

When they mentioned Luke, Ally swallowed down the lump in her throat and turned her back, heading back towards her window. "I...I can't go back. He'll never forgive me for what I did to him. Yelling at him was one thing......leaving was completely different." Ally sniffled again, wiping her face with her forearm. "He deserves someone better. I'm a flighty mess. I...I just....I don't...I know I'm not good enough for him. He didn't deserve any of this damn mess I've made." By now she had worked herself up into a crying fit again and curled up in a corner on her bed. She half believed her words, expect for the fact that the one person she wanted most in the world, might not forgive or take her back.

[Luke Martin]

Stepping out of her boots, Georgie immediately went over and clambered onto the bed, wrapping her arms Ally. She hated seeing people cry, it was taking a lot of will power for her to not cry along with the woman, and she was failing epically, her eyes stinging with tears. It had been so hard to see Luke upset, this wasn't any better. Jen, the level headed one - as her Mom had instructed her to be - sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching across to place a hand on both Ally and Georgie's arms.

"That's not true," she said with all sincerity, "you were the best thing that happened to Luke in a long time, we could all see it, even if some people," meaning herself, "took a little while to realise that." She took a breath, steady as she goes. "And as much as you believe that he won't forgive you, we... or more I, seeing as Georgie is blubbery mess, am here to tell you that's not true. And if we pack you a bag, and you trust us, then you'll come with us, and we'll show you otherwise." She held out a hand to Ally, looking at her earnestly, "will you come?"

~~~~

"Get a bag packed," Andee said to her boy, walking past him into the room, "you're coming with me." Luke watched as his Mom strode past him, looking as fit as ever, despite her condition, and the hat that was helping to keep her distinctly small amount of hair hidden. "Huh?" "Come on, I know that intelligence is supposed to fade with age, but you're not that old my boy, and you have enough brains for two people. Where's that old duffel bag?" she began rummaging through his closet, tossing stuff onto the bed.

"Mom, what're you doing? I can't just up and leave." Andee looked back round at him, "yes, you can. I talked to your Captain, nice fellow, thinks you could do with a break. So do I. Therefore, dear, you are coming with me." She finally found the duffel bag, and stuffed the things she'd tossed onto the bed into it. "Toothbrush?" "In the bathroom... Luke was still a little flustered. "Why are you taking me now?" "Because you're long overdue a visit, and me and the girls have a surprise for you. Now, would you stop asking me silly questions, and help your mother out?"

After another moment of confusion, Luke decided to go with it. Whatever they had planned, he wasn't getting out of it.

[Alliana Porter]

Ally felt like a child, fighting with both sides of her heart. She was so scared of his rejection, but she wanted to run back to him. What she lacked was the confidence in herself and what she and Luke had built together. Did he really love her as much as they said he did? She wanted to believe it, she really did, but it seemed almost too good to be true. As Georgie snuggled in close, Ally buried her face in her soft hair. Everything just seemed so...so..broken now.

Jen seemed to be level headed in the matter and gave her proposition. Bag? Packing? Composing herself for a moment, she could muster up a few words. "P....Packing?For what?" Ally peeled away from Georgie and stood to face Jen, slightly confused. "It's not like I've got anything left to lose." she sighed, turning to a closest to pull down a small duffel bag. "Will...will this work? I mean it's all I've got and I..." Her words trailed off as she set it down on her bed. "I'll come." she replied, in a shaky, less than convincing tone.

[Luke Martin]

Jen and Georgie did their best to help Ally pack, after Georgie had dried her eyes. They both refused to give up the information about where they were going, even though it soon became clear when they boarded the shuttle back to Oregon. They already had a ticket for Ally, then assumed that they'd have the persuasive power to make her come. The shuttle flight wasn't long, only fifteen minutes or so, and soon enough they were touching down.

Jonathan met them at the space port, giving Ally a friendly hug. "Good to see you again," his deep voice rumbled, before he ushered them to the car. Instead of heading back to the house, however, they carried on down the highway, pulling off at the turning to head down towards the beach. Jen and Georgie were chattering away about their journey to try and keep the mood light, but every now and again they glanced back at Ally, who was looking more and more confused. Maybe they should have blindfolded her? It just seemed a little mean after all she'd been through.

Pulling into the car park, there was only one other car there, and it was empty. Georgie was the one who wanted to show Ally the way, so they both clambered out of the car, and taking Ally's hand, Georgie pulled her gently through the copse of trees, out onto the beach where they'd visited a couple of Christmases ago. It was chilly, gray, stormy clouds were rolling in off the sea, the sun shining from behind them, not yet hidden by the clouds. Standing in the surf was Luke, his arms wrapped around himself. He turned at Georgie's call to see his little sister waving. And then he saw who was standing with her. His heart stopped.

"Go on," Georgie ushered Ally forwards, "we'll be waiting in the car."

Luke shook his head slightly, his family were crafty, he'd give them that. Bringing both him, and Alliana, who he hadn't seen in over a year, to a place which they knew they both adored, that had meaning for them, all to get them to talk again. At first, he was a little miffed, but then he realised that he was only really miffed at himself. Why hadn't he thought of this? He waited to see if Ally would join him, he wanted to see her face, her beautiful face. He wanted to say hello. And more...

[Alliana Porter]

All of thier planning led to this. Ally stood next to the man she had hurt, her one true love, and now she couldn't say a thing. The trip was long and awkward. Despite Jen and Georgie's attempt, she won't smile and barely uttered a word the entire time. She wasn't quite sure where they would drag her, but she wasn't expecting Oregon. The coast was one of her favorite places, but she hadn't told a soul. Either they had figured it or, or had just made a lucky guess. Regardless, this place brought back way too many memories.

Ally dug her heels into the moist and and looked back up at him. The dark circles remained, even though the tears had stopped flowing. She still looked sad, and so did he. What on earth could she possibly say to him? Swallowing her heart down, she rose a slow gaze to him, meeting those eyes she had so missed staring into. How could she have done this? She shoved her hands into her pockets awkwardly and tried to think of something..anything to say to him. "Hey..."

[Luke Martin]

Luke watched the raven haired woman approach him, his heart thudding steadily in his chest (better than the dead stop it had come to only moments ago). He had to admit, he'd thought a lot about the day that he might see Ally again. None of the scenarios he'd played out in his head were anything like this one, but then, he hadn't expected his family to intervene. He should have known better really, they loved him and they loved Ally. They also knew how stubborn the pair both were, so they'd taken matters out of Ally and Luke's hands and straight into theirs. It was a wonder they hadn't tried anything sooner, if he was honest.

The look on her face was the one he imagined he'd worn every day for the past year... tortured. And not in the physical sense, this was much worse; emotionally tortured. She spoke first, managing a solitary word, the beginning of their first exchange in too long. "Long time, no see," he managed in a calm voice, his gaze switching between her and the roughening waves creeping up the beach. "I'd ask how you've been," he said, "but if you've had a year anything like mine, then it's not something easy to describe." It sounded a little like he was laying blame down, but he didn't mean to.

Exhaling slowly, he tried to find the right words. After such a long period of radio silence, it was hard to find the right signal without making the whole thing overload. "What happened, Ally? How did we get to this?" he gestured at the five feet of space between them, the awkward silence, the fact that his family had to drag them both here in order to see sense.

[Alliana Porter]

Ally was so torn, so broken, standing here in front of him. She wanted nothing more than to grab his face and kiss all the pain away, but she wasn't quite sure if he'd take her in so easily. Would he even forgive her? She heaved a heavy sigh and shoved her hands into her jacket pocket, and turned her gaze down to her feet. She was stuck between her emotions, torn between fear and the strong urge to take him back.

She licked her dry lips and shifted her feet. With a small sigh, she took a step forward and closed some of the space in between him. "I'm sorry Luke...I...I'm so sorry." Her grey eyes were beginning to fill with the tears of her regret. "I'm so sorry." she breathed again, slowly turning her gaze up to him. "This is all my fault.. Luke...all.." She choked up a few times before unleashing her flood of tears, practically bawling in front of him. She had finally broken beyond all repair.

[Luke Martin]

"It's not all your fault," Luke said quietly. If he hadn't been so stupid as to believe that the doppelgänger was his Ally in the first place, then none of this would have happened. Where would they have been now if he hadn't... still dating? Married? Maybe a child on the way? He knew he had made the first mistake, but her words after, her not understanding that it was a mistake had wounded him deeply. How could she have had so little faith in his integrity?

Hurt and pain aside, her running away had left him reeling. What was he supposed to think? She had chosen not to be with him any more, he thought it had been the end. And yet, he hadn't moved on. He'd been so conflicted between the thoughts of wanting to move on, but also wanting Ally back. Looking at her now, he didn't know what to say. All he could think was, how were they supposed to reconcile after what they'd done to each other? Slowly, he reached out, touching her hand tentatively, before holding it gently. "It's okay," he said. Now she was here, he wasn't going to turn her away. "It's okay."

[Alliana Porter]

Ally choked her sob down and through all caution aside. In one motion, she had wrapped her arms around him tightly, pushing a hug as she turned her tears to his chest instead. The worst he could do was push her away. Maybe it was too much, too forward, but she couldn't hold back any longer. He was here, he was real and he didn't seem to be in the best shape since she had left either.

Ally breathed him in, taking in the scent of his shirt, his low cologne smell. He was no longer a dream, but physically. She had dreamed about this moment, but she could never pull up the courage to go see him by herself. She couldn't run from herself any longer, any more than she could run from him. She could only go forward. Things wouldn't patch up so easily, all she was desperate was for was forgiveness. she had forgiven him hundreds, if not thousands of times in her heart, but he needed to hear it from her, and if she would stop crying long enough to form actual words, she would tell him. Now, all she could do was revel in his warmth and his heart beat against her cheek once more.